I’m back! If you live in Scotland or have picked up a paper in the last, say 2 years, you’ll understand why I have been busy…
But be happy in knowing my nieces were still getting their political education, especially as two of them had turned 16 and were able to vote – naturally I made them watch a documentary about suffrage to make them understand the depths of the responsibility. I remember the first election I was eligible to vote in, I strutted up to the polling station card in hand, pride in chest, standing on the shoulders of women fighters before me. I had a little speech prepared and walked to the table, started the sentence “It was in 1918 that…” but was cut off by a cold glare and a “just give me your address please, take this, then go to the booth”. Turns out the woman at the polling station was less excited about my political right of passage.
But let’s return to this weeks Feminist Friday. I still maintain that social media is a fantastic thing, I mean without it I wouldn’t be able to tweet this relentlessly to serve my narcissism and have you read my words. But it is also a platform for idiots, particularly anonymous misogynistic idiots. Well this week we have a brand new hashtag to unpick – #HowtoSpotAWifeMaterial – 5th top trending UK/US trend earlier this week.
That’s right women and men, just take to twitter and you will be able to find out if you or your partner make the cut of what is patriarchy’s definition of wife material (that addition of the word material really brings home how far away a wife is from being human, don’t you think?). I sent my nieces screenshots of this (we didn’t have a chance to meet this week) and the reaction was hilarious from “If you tweet crap like that you are never going to actually have a wife” to “Some of these things are what Granny says to you aunty?” (the last one being particularly unhelpful yet in some tweets, accurate).
So how do you spot wife material? Well women, you aren’t it. Not one of you. No seriously not one. Because you have to be everything, all the time, apparently.
I mean the whole thing is awful but let’s take it in tweet categories. To be a decent wife you must be:
Sexually available at all times:
“She wakes you up with sex”
“She greets you home from work like [picture of naked woman bent over]”
“She detects when you’re horny and gets on it”
“Never lets her man leave the house hungry or horny”
Has a “perfect” appearance;
“doesn’t have A/B cup boobs”
“Ass like Nikki, Height like Ciera, face like Beyonce”
“She make you dinner while you play Fifa with the boys without complaining”
“She washes all your dirty clothes on a saturday morning”
“She’ll wash and iron”
“She doesn’t have a password on her phone cause she should have nothing to hide”
“She doesn’t give you back talk”
“She won’t be bitching or complaining to her slutty girlfriends”
“Her only male friends are her man and Jesus” (No, this is actually real)
“Doesn’t get her opinions from men only” – ironic since this was a man, giving his opinion, on how women shouldn’t get their opinions from men…right.
“Not caught up on how she looks all the time” – but you mate above just said…oh, now I’m just confused.
“She had self respect” – well, not sure you qualify mate, you dropped yours by jumping on this hashtag
“focuses on her studies”
A quick look through and you see how easy it is for people to close their eyes to self reflection. tweets and tweets of what women should be, lists of contradictory expectations, yet every single one is an expectation derived from patriarchy.
Be everything to everyone else but yourself, don’t make it obvious you’re being everything, and definitely don’t complain about having to be everything.
Whilst the hashtag may be “How to spot wife material” it easily translates into “how to spot a sexist” pity the tweeters don’t quite realise what they are advertising about themselves…